just us
by seemslikeaporno
Summary: She isn't a very good actress. / Beck&Tori, oneshot.


**just us**

**notes**: _first time I've written something for Victorious, and I'm extremely excited to be writing something for possibly my favorite pairing on the show. sorry for slightly out-of-character-ness and a lot of intentional run-ons and fragments. any mistake made on this is mine. enjoy. :) _  
**summary**: _she isn't a very good actress._  
**disclaimer**: _Victorious doesn't belong to me, duh._

.

She's always known that he wasn't really ever hers.

In fact, if Beck had ever told her that he would leave Jade for _her_, she would have laughed in his face and called him a liar. She still would, because she doesn't expect much else from Beck aside from a few heated kisses and a hand sliding up her shirt and his fingers dipping into her panties.

He can have who he wants – and he will – even if it means breaking a couple hearts (and burying them underground to decay with the dirt). She'll play his game, though, because games are all she knows how to play (although when she's sure he won't notice, she plays with his hair when they break apart to breathe).

All she can think about when that happens is _them_.

(_just us._)

Tori and Beck and Beck and Tori and little i's dotted with hearts and paper airplanes flown from the other side of the room and apples, because Beck always smells like apples and always tastes like lemonade.

And tomorrow, he'll be with Jade again, and Tori will have to pretend this never happened (and never has and never will and never does) but it's okay, because Tori is an actress, and she knows that as long as she still has talent and Beck still has Jade, acting is all she'll ever do. It's lucky she's good at it.

But she's good at a lot of things, although saying _no_ is not one of them. Beck probably knows it better than anyone else.

.

Jade sits across from her at the lunch table that Friday and says conceited things about herself and holds Beck's hand so tightly her knuckles are almost white. Like she's worried that if she lets go, he'll get up and never come back.

Tori almost thinks it's funny that she knows Beck better than the girl who's been dating (_stifling_) him for two years. Beck's going to leave, he has, and he'll do it again, but he'll always go back to Jade. Tori might even go as far to say that he _loves_ Jade, and she would, if she wasn't so desperate for him to love her, instead.

She excuses herself from the table in a not-so-dignified manner of having to pee, and she stumbles over her own feet twice before she goes into a stall and locks herself inside of it, determined never to come out until she's sure she doesn't have to vomit at the sight of Jade and Beck (Beck and Jade and paper airplanes) holding hands.

.

When she comes back to the table, they're both gone – she assumes to suck face in a more private place. She mentions it in passing, and Cat cocks a brow while Andre and Robbie give hesitant laughs, which is a sure sign she's not fooling anyone with this character.

She just doesn't know how to play Tori anymore.

.

She doesn't believe it's actually humanly possible for someone's lips to be so soft, but Beck is always proving her wrong, because Tori feels like her lips are touching cotton candy when they meet his.

Beck's hands are surprisingly soft, as well. When they run up and down her arms Tori wants to be wrapped in a blanket of nothing but Beck's hands, running over her body with gentle touches and unanswered questions and unquestioned answers.

He pulls away for a moment, and she mourns the loss of warmth on her mouth until he leans downwards to kiss her neck, her collarbones, just above the top of her shirt. She bites her lip and tangles her fingers in his hair, and plays her part of head-over-heels lonely girl.

When she wakes up under the thin blankets on his bed for the third time in her life, she glances at him and reminds herself that he's playing her, and always has.

(_and always will?_)

Tori sits up and looks around the cramped RV without really seeing. She doesn't notice when he wakes up, or shifts a little so he's laying on his back and gazing at her. When she finally spares him a glance, he smiles a half-smile, rolls over, and swings his arm over her waist like there's nothing wrong with this in the world.

Either that, or the entire world is simply wrong.

"Lay down, baby." He mumbles into his pillow with his eyes closed and his breathing steady. Tori obeys, wriggling under the weight of his arm and lying down flat on her back. She doesn't look at Beck, but knows that he's looking at her (she hopes, anyways). Neither of them make a sound for a long time before Tori breathes in heavily and closes her eyes.

This is the third time they've had sex, but the first time that she's slept with him.

.

She leaves before he wakes up that morning because she doesn't know what else to do.

Trina is waiting for her with their parents at the kitchen table when Tori walks into her home. She freezes momentarily before lowering her gaze and pushing the door shut. She busies herself with taking off her shoes while her parents ask where she was.

"I was with a friend," Tori practically answers truthfully, because that's all she and Beck will ever be – just friends.

"A friend? And what kind of friend keeps you out without calling until six in the morning?" Her father snaps. His face is red and his arms are crossed over his chest, and Tori's sure she's never seen him this angry at her. Trina looks guiltily at the table, resting her cheek in her palm.

"I'm sorry." Tori apologizes, but it's only with half of her heart in it, and it definitely doesn't get her off the hook. She's grounded for three months and loses her computer and cell phone. When Tori stalks past Trina to get ready for school the same morning, she doesn't bother reminding her sister about the many times she's covered for her.

.

"Three months? Man, that's harsh." Andre says, shaking his head as Tori shoves her books into her locker. "And for what? Staying out too late?"

"Well, it was six in the morning by the time I got home." Tori answers, even though she feels weird that she slightly defends her parents' decision. It'll give her time to think about the things that she really needs to think about.

"Okay, so that's pretty late. But _come on_. You're Tori Vega – do you _ever_ do anything wrong?" Andre asks, shaking his head but smiling nonetheless.

Tori laughs humorlessly.

"This is exactly why I don't." Is her answer, which sounds like her enough to make Andre shrug his shoulders in agreement and tell her that he'll catch up with her later. She shuts her locker door and turns to watch him leave.

Once he does, she feels the weight dropping back on her shoulders. When she's not pretending to be Tori Vega, she's just Tori, and she almost can't stand it, especially when Jade and Beck walk past her with their fingers intertwined tightly together. Beck spares her a glance, but she can't name the emotion. She just swallows and gives a tight-lipped smile.

Jade turns around and sneers before she and her (play)boyfriend disappear around the corner.

.

Only two weeks of being grounded pass before Beck touches her shoulder and asks to speak with her outside, alone. She agrees, albeit hesitantly, and follows him outside of the classroom and into the empty hallway. She holds her elbows and can hardly look at him because of her nerves.

"I can't do this anymore." Beck says, and Tori feels her heart stop for a split second, because she thinks that _whatever_ she has with Beck is about to be over for good. To her, stopping things with Beck would just make things even more difficult, even harder to bear his and Jade's kissing and touching when she knows she will _never_ experience that again.

Her voice constricts her airways, and she doesn't speak; she simply lowers her eyes and looks at the gum on the floor. She's surprised when a hand is on her jaw, pushing her face up so a pair of lips can meet with hers. It's rougher than the other times; possessive and hot and needy all at once, and his fingers dig slightly into her jaw and loosen when he pulls back.

Tori stares, unsure of what to say.

"I don't get what you mean," she finally murmurs, plowing her fingernails into the skin of her arm while she stares at him with what might just be a shred of hope even though he'll never do it.

(_he'll never leave her._)

"I need to see you." Beck answers, removing his hand from her cheek completely, "I just…is there any way we could meet sometime today? I know you're grounded, but can you make some shit up? I _want_ you, babe."

Tori's arms drop, revealing little crescent-shaped indentions in her skin. Her heart pounds against her ribcage and her throat feels like it's closing up to the point where she can hardly breathe. She tries to remember another time that he's so blatantly stated that he wanted her, but she knows that there isn't one.

" I don't know, it…" she trails off but doesn't move her eyes from his. It's Tori and Beck in this moment. Tori and Beck and Beck and Tori and all those little _ands_ and _buts_ and _ifs_ in between. "I might be able to sneak out." She offers, although somewhat hesitantly. She's never snuck out before, only helped Trina, and doing so while grounded probably isn't the best of ideas.

"You will?" Beck asks, shocked and pleased at the same time, and Tori just can't say no to that and he knows it.

"Yeah, I think so. Can you…stay up until at least three? I'm not sure if I'll be able to get out, and I don't have my cell phone, so I won't be able to contact you…but if I'm not there by three, I'll probably just not go, and—" Tori is cut off by Beck kissing her again, this time like normal – tender and sweet and perfect, and she feels herself melt against him. He pulls away too soon, and gives her a sly smile.

"See you by three." And he smirks before walking away.

.

She sneaks out of her house through her bedroom window and doesn't get to Beck's house until four, and can't even breathe by the time she's standing just beside the door, clutching at her jacket with one hand and raking her fingers through unruly, long hair with the other.

She doesn't know what to do, so she stands outside in the cool air and watches her breath rise above her like steam. She probably looks suspicious to anyone passing, but luckily, no one is out at this hour. They are all sleeping comfortably in their beds and waiting for tomorrow as the time passes, and Tori realizes that the longer she stands here, the less likely it'll be for Beck to stay awake.

She's about to swallow her fears and knock, but the door opens before she can and Beck is standing there in a tank top and black (or is it navy blue?) sweat pants. He looks sleepy, but he smiles lazily and steps aside to let her in.

Tori lowers her gaze and briskly treads into his house or room or whatever it is, and unzips her jacket to revel in the heat.

"You're late," Beck says playfully, holding her still by her waist as he shuffles past her to sit on the bed. The television is on, playing a cop show and causing a negligible glow to cascade over the floor. Tori discards her jacket onto a table and, like always, looks around the space before her eyes meet with Beck's. And she just doesn't know what to say anymore, so she apologizes, but it sounds like she apologizing for more than just being late.

"It's okay." He answers, but it sounds more like he doesn't know what he's forgiving. More like a promise that can't be kept.

Tori crosses and uncrosses her arms because she's not sure what to do with them. Beck stands up and takes her wrists in his hands, and pulls them up to his shoulders, and she clutches at his skin and stands on her tiptoes to reach his lips faster. They connect roughly, but neither of the two mind; Beck just wraps his arms around Tori's waist and Tori fists her fingers in his hair.

They stumble to his bed, Tori landing on her back and Beck over her, and they situate themselves so that Beck is straddling her with his knees on either side. He opens his eyes and looks into Tori's never fully closed ones, and he kisses her sensually and slowly, their half-lidded eyes staring only into the others.

(_and it's just us_.)

They would have gone further if Beck's phone didn't ring. He pauses and pushes himself up, making sure he's not sitting on Tori, and grabs it from the bedside table.

It's Jade.

Tori breathes and watches him with scared eyes, because, for the first time, she feels dirty. She feels like she's destroying a perfect relationship every time she and Beck kiss, even though his relationship with Jade isn't perfect and if anyone destroys it, it'll be Jade (unless Tori is the one who gets caught).

"Whoa, slow down, baby." Beck says, swinging his leg over Tori and sitting on the edge of the bed, "What happened?"

Tori can't hear anything except for a distant mumbling, but Beck's brow creases and he stands up, opening the top drawer of his dresser and pulling out a hoodie. Tori sits up in the bed and fixes her tank top, smoothes down her hair even though it's a lost cause at this point.

"Jade, baby, please calm down. I'll be there in ten minutes. You're at your house?" Beck asks, swinging the hoodie over his shoulder and turning his back to Tori, who swallows to relieve her dry throat and takes a hesitant step towards him with every intention to grab her jacket and run back home. Tori hardly hears an answer given from the phone.

"Okay. Jade, please, you're worrying me. I'll be there soon, I promise. I love you." He waits for her to say _I love you too_ and Tori hears _that_ before they hang up. She blinks a couple of times to make sure she's not crying, because she's always known this, and then reaches past him and grabs her jacket as he turns his head to look at her.

"I…"

"You have to go, I know." Tori says for him, and shoves her arm into the jacket. "I'll just head back home. It's okay." She says, and forms a half smile that doesn't even fool herself. He doesn't apologize, but he does hold the door open for her (_like a gentleman_, she guesses).

"I'll give you a ride home." Beck says, touching her shoulder. She shakes her head and takes a couple of steps down his driveway, away from his grasp.

"It's okay." She says, but she doesn't sound okay, "I'll walk. It's not that far. Like, twenty minutes is all." And she walks until he can't see her anymore – then she runs.

.

They don't have school today, because it's the weekend, and Tori sleeps in until twelve. When she wakes up and goes downstairs, Trina is there, eating a sandwich and sitting on the couch.

"Hey," Tori greets with a wave of her hand, "Where's mom and dad?" She asks as she makes her way to the fridge in search of food, even though she feels oddly full. Trina switches the channel to a reality show.

"Dad was called into work and mom went to a baby shower." Trina answers, finishing off her sandwich and wiping her hands off with a napkin.

"Ah." Tori says, settling for a frozen waffle and sticking it into the toaster. She leans against the counter and watches TV while she waits. Two girls are yelling at each other for kissing the same guy and Tori feels her stomach churn. When the waffle pops out of the toaster, she's not so hungry anymore. She picks it up, anyways, and takes a small bite because she knows she _has_ to eat _something_.

She ends up on the couch next to her sister.

"Beck called." Trina says offhandedly, picking up the remote again, "He asked for you, but you were asleep so I told him to call back later." She changes the channel as Tori digests the information, which is doing terrible things to the waffle. She swallows and looks ahead at the television, nodding. Her sister switches it to Law & Order.

"I didn't really think you and Beck were good friends. Info?" Trina questions after a moment, shifting so she's facing Tori with her arms crossed and her eyes inquisitive.

"Well, he probably just wants to know something about the homework," Tori lies, although she sounds fairly confident with her answer. Maybe she's becoming a better actress.

"Then why didn't he just call Jade?" Trina asks, raising a brow and boring holes into Tori.

"Has Jade ever done her homework?" Tori counters, taking a somewhat angry bite of her waffle.

"_Okaaay_," Trina responds, "but you know, there's a rumor going around that Beck's been seeing someone else on the side. You know, sort of a second place type girl?" Trina says, her eyes drilling into Tori's, "What a slut."

Tori feels the waffle coming up.

.

On Monday, she tells Beck that she can't do this anymore.

On Tuesday, they hook up in the janitor's closet.

.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat asks, taking a step away from Robbie with a worried look on her face.

"It—nothing? I just said you smelled different, I didn't say you smelled bad!" Robbie replies, holding his puppet in front of him in case she tries to swing, even though she never does.

"This is _not_ cool, man!" Rex reprimands.

"Oh. Okay!" Cat says, and then she smiles again and catches sight of Tori's keychain. "Is that a new lanyard?" She asks, touching it.

"What? Oh, yeah. I made it last night." Tori says, with a thin smile.

"Can I see it?" Cat asks, and Tori nods, taking it from her keychain and handing it to the redhead. "Wow, it's really pretty. You should make me one." Cat says, starting to hand it back.

"Keep that one." Tori says, pushing it back into her hand, "I can make more if I want. I just got bored last night, since I'm, you know, grounded and all."

"Really? Thanks, Tori!" Cat says, taking her backpack off of her shoulder and placing the lanyard on the zipper.

"You're welcome." Tori nods before turning to watch Beck walk by, for once alone. Tori gives a quick goodbye and jogs to catch up with him, saying his name once before falling into stride with him.

"Hey," Tori says, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear and looking up at him. He doesn't spare her a glance; he looks dead ahead like he doesn't even know she's there. "Beck?" She questions, creasing her brows, worried.

"Get away from me."

She stops for a split second – then she does what she's been told to do, and she vows never to come back.

(_isn't that what I've always wanted?_)

.

She doesn't pack her cell phone when she leaves. In fact, she hardly packs anything. Just a few clothes and thirty bucks and three bottles of water and seven ready-to-eat meals, and she doesn't even know where she's going. She just knows she has to _get away_.

She ends up outside of some apartment building, sitting in the alley next to a dumpster with her backpack in her lap and her hair in a messy ponytail, even though she hates it that way, and she stares at the opposite wall and imagines Beck, leaning against it and talking to her, telling her that everything's okay and that he loves her.

But those are only things he'll ever say to _Jade_. Tori is the second place lonely girl who thought (or maybe just hoped) she could change his mind – until she realized that it wasn't his mind she had to change; it was his heart.

When she closes her eyes, it's only to block the tears. She's a failure of an actress who can't even make-believe that she's not hurt by something that she's supposed to pretend never happened (and never has and never will and never does).

But she cries anyways.

.

She's been gone for three days before someone cares enough to find her; and it's not Beck, and it's not Andre, and it's not Trina. It's Jade.

"You idiot! Everyone's been really worried about you! Nobody knew where you even were – we thought you'd been kidnapped or something!" And even though Jade is yelling at her, leaning over her with her hand on the wall, Tori can hear the relief, the concern in her voice. It makes her feel worse as she pushes herself up from the cold ground, leaning on the dumpster for support.

"I'm sorry." Tori murmurs, because that's all she knows to say. It's all she knows _how_ to say. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Because she's sorry for more than running away – she's sorry for everything; for herself, for Jade, for Trina, for Beck. And it's not like apologizing is going to make everything better, but it feels like a million weights have been lifted off of her chest when she says those two words, even if they don't change anything.

"Whatever, just come on." Jade growls, tugging her up by her arm. Tori grabs at her backpack and throws it over her shoulder when she's standing steadily on her feet. Maybe she's been saved, but she doubts it. Being found just means she has to face them again, and she doesn't even know if she can do that anymore. Being saved from herself might just mean being destroyed by somebody else.

And that scares her to the point where she almost doesn't move, but when Jade tugs her forward, her feet follow. Despite her fears, she misses everyone, even the ones who told her to leave.

.

He doesn't apologize, but he does slam her against the lockers and kisses her as hard as he possibly can, even though he doesn't love her and he never will.

"Don't scare me like that again," he says, and that's as close to an apology as she'll ever get.

As usual, she doesn't know what to say, so she turns her head as his lips come towards her again, and he kisses her cheek instead. "Jade loves you," is what comes out, and it kills her because she knows it will ruin everything. He pauses, his hands beside her head, his face a few centimeters away from hers, with his breath against her ear. She wants to say, _but_ _I love you, too_, but she knows it doesn't matter. She forms a tight line with her mouth and grips his shirt in her fingers so tightly they turn white.

He lets out a breath and puts his head on her shoulder, moving his hands so he's gripping her arms with the lightest of touches. And he finally admits to Tori what she knew the whole time – "I love her, too."

Tori wants to cry, even though she thought she had prepared herself for this – this moment was inevitable. This moment was going to happen from the second they first kissed each other with more intentions than _just acting_.

This is the moment her heart breaks, no matter how stupid or childish or whimsical it sounds. And it's because, no matter what she says, he'll always go back to her. Even if Tori says she loves him, and means it with every fiber of her being, every inch of her heart, he'll never stop loving Jade.

Instead of crying, she forces out a laugh – but it is forced and dry and humorless. "Then _stop_ this." Tori says, and she almost can't believe she said it because she would never want it to stop if she had the choice. "You're just hurting yourself." She says, and she laughs again to stop the tears that are stinging her eyes.

(_you're hurting me_.)

Beck breaths against her shoulder and she practically feels him close his eyes. His hands are even looser on her body, even though she just wants him to hold her tighter and tell her that he wants her, not Jade. But that will never be the case.

"It's not fair," Tori whispers, and she's shaking all over but she doesn't want to cry and she _won't_ cry – at least not in front of him, "To you, to Jade, to me…It's not fair." Tori means this with every part of her. She always makes the right decisions, even if, sometimes, they come a little late.

"I know," he finally murmurs, and he lifts his head to put his forehead against hers. They stare at each other, and in that moment it is only them (_just us_) – Tori and Beck and Beck and Tori and the gum on the floor and two pairs of brown eyes that can't look away.

Tomorrow, he'll be with Jade again – Beck and Jade and Jade and Beck and holding hands and secret notes – but yesterday, he was only thinking about Tori Vega.


End file.
